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[09 Nov 2004|03:59pm] |
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[silence] can [kill] - She prayed |
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Hey andrew,
Lets take the jetta off a bridge this time.
I can swim.
Im not saying i will,
I dont want to.
Not to add my heavy heart, will pull me under.
I see red lights,
they remind me of the days when i wrote about going into battle,
The white retreating.
Skies so dark you can see the jealous goth kids,
and their lacking purity.
I never had something so good,
And its never hurt being so right.
I knew shed be gone in the morning,
But i still acted like it was a shock
Melodies blur in my ears
and nothing makes much sense.
all i can see is the sun.
and its late at night,
i couldnt find the moon if i tried.
Its too bright in my sky
You're battery has 88% left on it
read psalm 22, it hit my like a hammer
Guess that bull shit they teach you about in 8th grade
is simply that, bull shit.
No matter how strong you feel
it doesnt matter,
setting comes before meaning,
in a world with consequence and limits.
Ive never tasted to color yellow,
and ive never felt a cold sun till the morning
when it rises and ruins the best thing i have,
my dreams.
I woke up in new york to find out i was still sleeping.
I wanna drink your soda in the cup holder, but i think its old, and probably empty
But i remember, i had hi-c and it was great. A choice, a good one, and im happy.
It wont do me wrong agan. Becasue the soda is only skin deep.
I could have written a novel with her eyes,
But she closed them before i could get to the plot.
She wanted me gone,
and ive never wanted to be so there.
But gone,
Because she wanted me gone.
and lost because she brought me here.
These lights heavenly bright.
Aimed at my eyes,
attacking me on sight.
They wouldnt be so pure,
if the sky wasnt so dark.
Like the contrast between us and them,
Him and her, you and me, night and day.
I put down what you couldnt pick up,
and you decide to throw it away.
The street lights are still dim,
like all the other girls since ive seen the moon.
But where the fuck is the moon tonight andrew?
I want the moon back, in my heart, in my eyes.
You can keep the sun,
It never kept me warm like my moon.
You can keep your beautiful morning,
Ill sleep till noon.
"breaking hearts has never looked so cool"
Lets wrap our car around the tree. (again)
Blaring in the background,
i chuckle as i write
with nothing left to say,
but so much more to offer.
And so i go on...
Signs roll off into the distant like hills,
or more like the sun climbinb lazily off rooftops.
Shingle by shingle it makes its way to its lie,
A new morning to start the new day,
A georgeous day, "oh happy day"
In the sun light we're all blind.
cause its really been night for a year,
the sun just returns for routine visit,
Jealous of the marvelous moon.
A want so pure,
to be secure.
happy halloween, another night alone,
I'll swallow a tasteless night,
Deep thinking,
deep wounds,
sewn.
So show the world my wires andrew,
Give them insight,
Let them call me dramatic.
Perhaps I am, at least im not selfish and lazy.
How fine is the line between misunderstood caring, and dramatic accusations.
It feels like the night is well done, and I'm ready to welcome the morning
But then i glance at the clock and my heart stops.
Its only 10:16 and im still sitting at kaities house.
Did time stop to let me by?
Listening to maroon five
I laugh with my evil laugh because,
"She will be loved," means nothing to her.
Shed rather sit in her room and listen to,
"She used to be loved"
And she wants it back,
so she lies to cover her lie,
'cause words can pull a trigger with no remorse,
and fingers can lie, and stray from their course.
Song change,
Personality change,
chance to change,
chance taken.
1)Start with the old,
2)move on to the new,
3)Scared of the future,
4)return to what you had,
5)and leave me minus you.
Housing my watchful eyes,
The tv takes my breath along with it,
Leaving me with nothing but this thought
A man walking in the street wears reflective gear,
but goes home and drinks his family into the grave.
Why doesnt he just wear black and pray for the morning?
My crucible, by robert goddu.
I'll play abigail,
I'll send the whole town to hell to make way for me,
if i could taste those lips again.
But there i go, Dramatic
and off the edge again.
Yet you return to the boy who cries over you all the time,
and i didnt cry once,
but im too dramatic.?
Is it cause i know how i feel?
or is i cause you're scared to find out how you feel?
Dont worry about me,
after all, you dont even believe i have problems.
how could i, huh?
No one could live as bad as you?
I thought so.
I try to digress, but it all seems to find its way back to you
Like the stars find their way into my eyes lately.
If i could have one thing, it wouldnt be you.
It would be to be away,
Not like you from my mind,
'cause you are never really gone,
but gone like that line you shook away on the etch-a-sketch.
You have 16% battery left and soon it will die
like this night,
soon,
i hope.
"a beautiful beautiful baby blue"
"I know you want it all"
The story of a boy getting over the best thing he ever had is harder to swallow
than the pills i take to calm me down,
to make me an android
and part of the majority again,
normal.
so i dont stand out.
sorry
To let you go
14% ...
Hitting the high notes has never felt so sweet.
You gave me the melodies and the words,
but I never had the voice until now.
A lamp sits idly in the corner waiting to be used,
to be wanted.
The sun belongs to the window
and the lamp belongs to the dark.
11% Low batter "you should change your battery or switch to outlet power
immediately to keep from losing your work"
Fuck you i dont care if i lose it, no one will read it.
To end on the best not i can hit.
[Silence]
Rememberies
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[07 Nov 2004|03:11pm] |
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This Providence - is this life |
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-We have found a witch. May we burn her?
--Burn her! Burn! Burn her! Burn her!
How do you know she is a witch?
-She looks like one.
Bring her forward.
-I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch.
Uh, but you are dressed as one.
-They dressed me up like this.
--Augh, we didnt't! We didn't..
-And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.
Well?
-Well, we did do the nose
The nose?
-And the hat, but she is a witch!
--Yeah!
--We burn her! Right! Yeaaah! Yeaah!
Did you dress her up like this?
-No!
--No. No.
--No
-No
--No
-Yes.
--Yes.
-Yes. Yeah, a bit.
--A bit.
-A bit.
--A bit.
-She has got a wart.
What makes you think she is a witch?
-Well, she turned me into a newt.
A newt?
-I got better.
--Burn her anyway!
--Burn her! Burn! Burn her!...
Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling wheter she is a witch.
-Are there?
--Ah?
-What are they?
--Tell us! Tell us!...
Tell me. What do you do with witches?
-BURN!
--Burn!
--Burn! Burn them up! Burn!...
And what do you burn apart from witches?
-More witches!
--Wood!
So, Why do witches burn?
-B...'cause they're made of.... wood?
--Oh, yeah. Oh.
So, How do we tell whether she is made of wood?
-Build a bridge out of her.
Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?
-Oh, yea.
--Oh, yea. True. Uhh.
Does wood sink it water?
-No. No.
--No, it floats! It floats!
-Throw her into the pond!
--The pond! Throw her into the pond!
What also floats in water?
-Bread!
--Apples!
-Uh, Very small rocks!
-Cider!
--Uh, Gra.. gravy!
-Cherries!
--Mud!
-Uh, Churches! Churches!
--Lead! Lead!
*A duck
---Ooooh...
:-D
song quote:
You were the last thing left to believe in,
you were the last thing i felt complete in.
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| its been a while |
[31 Oct 2004|03:49pm] |
Hrm, where to start
at the end i suppose..
Ive been doing really well, give or take a few dramatic events,
I've been organizing this school wide (just junior class) event/game which is gonna kick ass yo, :-p
And basically just been keeping my grades up.
I met kaities mom, and damn, she is the coolest mom ever, other than stephanies mom last night HOLY SHIT she was soo drunk i almost shit my pants... AHHAHAH she was dressed in a pirat costume and she like waved me and david down when we drove by and invited us in. aand then these random strangers drive by and she invited them in too... She told steph to be in by midnight or she'll turn into a pumpkin, pretty much the funniest thing ever.. Besides risa driving on the wrong side of the road HAHAHAHA on friggen a 8 lane road with a center divide, she turned to early and just decided to keep going for like 1/8 a mile hahah me and david had to pull over we couldnt stop lauhing...
Im laughing as i write this, pretty cool night, too bad i didnt see snl, i heard it was a good one?
Tonight and tomorrow night im going to shows, CALL ME if you wanna go beacsue they are both gonna kick ass and i think you should go, whoever wants to
Tonight: armor for sleep + number one fan
Tomorrow: Hellogoodbye + Steel train
I feel really good, i wrote this Huge ass like, random shit thing on andrews computer, and it rules, but its sad and dramatic. But basically it was like cold medicine for my heart, i feel great.
Leave a comment if you think bush sucks cock....
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[24 Oct 2004|09:27pm] |
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Senses fail - the irony of dying on your birthday |
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I lost a friend the past week...
On a brighter note tho, i have a 3.6 gpa and im loving every minute of if :-D
...Basically im just waiting for lax to start up so i can start having some fun...
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| Droped it like it was hot.. |
[05 Oct 2004|03:13pm] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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music |
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long since forgotten |
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I dont know how to think anymore; if a building was built in expression of whats going on, and how i feel... I would not enter it. But yet i still do, because with my emotions im more daring than with my life, i care more about how i feel than how i live.. honestly i know it shouldnt be that way, but how can you live a sad life. Emotions grab hold and make themselves home, and no body likes moving.
On another note, id like to say:
Im luckier than moon onlooking the jealous earth,
But i'm brought back to reality, just as the morning gives birth.
I'm not up to par,
and i will never be.
Please show me you care,
Or just let me leave.
Don't lead me down this road,
I'm shaking in my bed,
My heart stops for a second,
as I stumble on the end.
Song quote of the wee(a)k: Can you see it in these eyes, Im not going back there.
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[03 Oct 2004|05:00pm] |
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mood |
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... |
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Wake up
Grab a brush and put a little (makeup)
Hide the scars to fade away the (shakeup)
Why’d you leave the keys upon the table?
Here you go create another fable
You wanted to
Grab a brush and put a little makeup
You wanted to
Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup
You wanted to
Why’d you leave the keys upon the table?
You wanted to
Chop suey
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[24 Sep 2004|04:14pm] |
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mood |
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the pixies - where is my mind |
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I dont mean to complain but today sucked...
I got up early i dont know why, couldnt go back to sleep. So i jumped in the shower, hoping I might slip this time and snap my neck, but i didnt...
I did not win homecomming again for the third year in a row... I'd rather just not be in it ever again...
I hate letting my hopes rise only high enough to fall.
Like a ride at a theme park called "my heart".
Tonight I will be off to church retreat.. YAY i get to miss my homecomming. Getting Confirmed doesnt make sense when you are made to... Im sure my parents know whats best.
Its evident that i don't, every choice "I" make seems to be the wrong one...
Song quote of the day: Whats left to lose, I've done enough.. and if i fail, well then I fail but i gave it a shot.. These last three years, i know they've been hard, but now its Time to get out of the desert and into the sun... Even if its Alone...
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[21 Sep 2004|07:35pm] |
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senses fail - bite to break skin |
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ok so i was bored...
<th colspan="4" bgcolor="#104E8B">I made this box with HTML</td>
<th colspan="2" bgcolor="#000000">Robert Goddu in 10 years <td bgcolor="#DDDDAA" style="border: 1px solid black;"></span></td></tr>| You will be | Famous for being sad | | You will be worth | $424,143 | | Everyone will think you | cry yourself to sleep at night | </form>
... now, what really matters...
Today, is tue and its anothing boring week... had two tests today, which i think i did well on; history and chem.
The weekend: Friday - stayed home sick and watched the secret window..
...you stole my story </td>
I love that part haha...
Saturday: Went out and saw some people...
would be an understatement..
At about 630 kaelen came over and we went to that kickass new park by my house (the one by the shit factory) and hung out till she had to pick up stina at 7 so we did so. afterwards we decided to rent man on fire.. but since that movie roolz so much badunkadunk, it wasnt in stock.. stina and kaelen wanted to see this lame shit movie called grind, they convinced me it was a good movie.. trust me it isnt..we went to erins at like 11 and then they took me home.. she got grounded cuz she was supposed to be in at 10... hahaha wow.. but still, really good night..
Sunday: Stayed in all day and watched the best movie ever: MAN ON FIRE!!!! DENZEL Wasthington and Dekota fanning... wow the whole movie.. just sad good action pact and shit... One of the best movies ever next to fightclub i think... best revenge driving killer movie ever.. shows a passionate side of revenge i never knew was there... makes you really sad too..
Monday: was out of it.. my pills like took me to jupiter for the day and i was GONE... stared at my desk all day and chilled.
Today: Found out i made top 10 for homecomming nominations...
be prepared for an end of the world soon...
Now: homework is calling me...
Song quote of the weekend: All we are is dust in the wind
Song quote of the day: Run through my town scream till i faint, stumble around, scare kids away.. Worn out ill be asleep on my street. Watch my home town attempt to wake me.
^^ chek out those color changes... html is so much better than spanish
<3 you
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| Ugh.... |
[17 Sep 2004|03:09pm] |
I stayed home sick today... someone got me sick!!! >:O
I think today, yea nothing is gonna happen ill just predict the future.. ill have to stay in all night cuz im sick. and dls/crondelet have a dance so a bunch of cool people cant hang out..
^_^:This is because i can spell confusion with a "K" and I can like it, it's to duying in anothers arms and why i had to try it> It's to jimmy eats world and all those nights in my car when the first star you see may not be a star at all.^_^ KAK!
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| =( |
[16 Sep 2004|05:33pm] |
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Built to spill - Car |
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Found out i cant go to our homecomming... My mom is making me go to this retreat thing for my confirmation... Wtf mate. damnit..
I wanna see it when you find out what comets stars and moons are all about. I wanna see their faces turn to backs of heads and slowly get smaller.
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| Somewere a boy sits alone |
[15 Sep 2004|07:51pm] |
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i wouldnt tell you for money |
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Monday: Nothing
Tuesday: Got my braces tightened. Saw stephanie for the first time in the past two months... it was really good to see her again.. Oh and chris zuniga got ths shit knocked otua him in one punch.. it was a sucker punch, some fool came up behind him and droped him like *!BAM!* and half the school just looked at him wispering to their neighbor as he lie unconscious bleeding on the grass/assfault border. The Medics came and it was so dramatic, like the slow motion scenes you see in without a trace at the end...
Wednesday: Lots of chem hmwk, school was lame. We didnt have to present our projects today, so i really didnt do anything. I had to get up early tho to fix some stuff ont his essay im working on. Right now im sitting at my computer where i've been since i got home, in a bathrobe. I took my shirt off (for you) after school becasue it was damn hawt. But it started to chill in my room with the door closed and the AC and i have no cloths to wear.. So i busted out this crazy old man bathrobe that i posses. Which reminds me, I cheked the scale today.. so happy, i lost 6 lbs. on the anorexia diet. Woohoo
Thusday: You better stop by kaelen or ill gut you like the hispanics do to eachother when they cross the opposing gangs territory.
Song quote of the day: There's a shadow just behind me, shrouding every step I take, making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. Waiting like a stocking butler, who apon the finger rests.
and just a little more for those who want it: i am just a worthless liar, im an just an imbasil, i will only complicate you, trust in me and fall as well.
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| Cant say much |
[13 Sep 2004|07:31pm] |
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Christie front drive - radio |
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Wow... huge weekend... Friday, andrew and i went to festival becasue he had to watch his twin sisters for like an hour.. then we saw some girls that used to go to st rays with us.. year younger than me, and we talked for like half our... we then drove to danville to visit kaelen, pretty fun but we couldnt stay long she had to go to these kids house to baby sit... then we went back to festival, then over to concord to get david... We took, quite possibly the scariest road possible to get to andrews house, im talking texas chainsaw road, and... OH SHIT, WE ALMOST HIT A DEAR, Fuggin scary, andrew turned his lights off just playing around and stuff, and when he turned em on, there was a dear in the middle of the fuggin road.. scary shit, but funny in the end.. oh yea the raod to andrews was damn scary and we drove like 50 in a 25 the whole time...
Saturday wow, so we went to berkly, me andrew david brian and debra, to see senses fail play at rasputin's but lets just say,... fuk the bart. we missed them playing but we still got to get some posters signed... they were all totally drunk, kinda funny, but lame.. We got back at like 7 and we showerd and drove to kaelens again (it only took andrew 12 minutes, pleasanton to danville, Freakin pro) we went with them to watch dls loose... To kick it up a notch tho, some spice in the begining... mmm..
The game was rad, i had a blast with david and kaelen andrew too, but he wasnt with us the whole time, i also got to see amie meagan christine and liz and kaitie again, so that was cool.. i met some people too, (dls has a lot more black people than FHS)
Andrew got mad at me, he was really pised after the game, and i wanted to say by to kaelen, but he cant hold a grudge so that was the end of that, we pretty much just took david home then took the back roads to alamo and then drove home put on oceans 11 and fell asleep...
Today, nothing... i sad home and played sad music and felt shitty, like usual no one cares...
I heard some stuff about sat night that i didnt know about and i dont feel to great right now, so ima go do hmwk and listen to more sad music.
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| Lock in |
[29 Aug 2004|03:46pm] |
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ben folds - brick |
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WOo hoo lockin 04... not as good as expected but it was rad... i didnt sleep all night.. YEAaaa
Take your wings outside, you cant fly in here, besides the purple sky is better soaring for you my angel.. you're an angel you little devil.
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| This week |
[28 Aug 2004|12:36pm] |
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 tired |
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iris - goo goo dolls |
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This week,... where to begin. .woa.. i tell you what buddy. im sure this entry would kick azz$$ if i had taken my ridaline.. but itll prolly just jump around so.. i begin:
Once upon a time monday, my sister came down from sacramento because early that morning my parents were leaving with my brother to take him to college in new orleans.. They dont trust me so my sister was watching me.. They had the nerve to wake me and andrew up at 5 in the morning, being damn loud.. so we went into my room and slept.. then pretty much i hung out with andrew all day, and i left for sacramento wed at 730.... for sacramentoo.. it was fun, but not raelly.. i didnt do much there, just hung out and met heloof college kids.. they're all fat sluts in college. ik.
Im home now, waiting for david to get his ass over to my house, andrew's comming too, at two HAHAHAHA.. i wrote a lyric, but im still working on the flow,, its more of the concept i thought of in the car, on the way to and an the awy back from sac...:
You're the flower that rejected the bouquet.. I am the sun, i will give you all my light until you open up to me..
I dont know... its alright..i need to work out some kinks... tell me what you think...
Umm the lockin at my church tonight.. its gonna kick azzzz$$ and you'll all be like waoh i suck cuz i missed it.. :-P
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| So, Tringle on triangle |
[22 Aug 2004|03:48pm] |
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mood |
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 distressed |
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music |
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Copeland - Take my breath away |
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Lost of comotion the past week.. drama and shit... it's sucked ass..
So much hate among so much love...
The past three days i hung out with andrew.. we drove around and did had a blast.. two ngihts at curtis' and one at mine.. too bad we didnt finish fight club... or.. start it for that matter... Bah.. next time
lOoks like a lot of people are starting school on mon, then a week later .. me too.. FUN FUN ^_^
Oh, yea.. last night, i got flaked on... sweet deal with the phone .. *TEAR*
I also got owned online around 2.. i felt like shit all night. but im over it..
Right now im doing nothing. sitting in my room, which i had just so happened to move everything around, my computer is in my room now... im just listining to lots and lots of emo, losing friend after friend..
this is my first post and it sucks, too much to say, and i dont really wanna say it..
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